The Journal Register (Medina, NY)


July 7, 2011

VALLEY: Debbie does callous ... investigations


Somewhere in New Hampshire — Lebanon, to be exact — there’s an apartment complex that is using modern-day science to solve a messy situation. It’s DNA to the rescue. (Let it be known that there are other places doing the same thing.)

What’s the problem, you ask? Robberies? Vandalism? Assaults? No, sir! The problem at the 252-unit Timberwood Commons is dog poop. That’s right, you heard me: doo-doo. Good ’ol ethnic shoe polish.

Apparently, some of the residents have not been coming clean when it comes to cleaning up after their pets. Enter DNA testing. Everyone who lives at the complex was made to submit doggie “samples” to the manager in order to establish a profile of each canine.

Now, if a dog’s feces is left on the lawn, it can be identified and its owner held accountable. Isn’t that wonderful? Since we’ve cleared the books on tracking down Osama bin Laden, we can now use our state-of-the-art technology for the number two priority and close in on those rogues who callously let their Buffys and Muffins take dumps without lifting a finger to clean it up.

Property manager Debbie Logan of a nearby complex has also been using this form of detective work. She claims: “It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.”

Really? I seriously think that if Debbie considers analyzing dog crap to determine its source as the “coolest thing” she’s ever done, then, just perhaps, Debbie hasn’t really researched the job market as thoroughly as she probably should or could have. Furthermore, I have my doubts about how effective a selling point her comments might be in recruiting others to a career in the same field. But that’s just my opinion.

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